it feels like I’m dying. somehow, for whatever reason, my brain has decided that how I feel right now is pretty much the worst thing in the world. objectively, it’s not the worst thing in the world, but this is what my brain it telling me.

I know precisely what’s going on in my head, chemically, psychologically, but I’m essentially at the mercy of it. sometimes it’s like my body is taken over by a completely different person who is in no way rational. I know that it’s completely ridiculous for me to be overreacting like this but it’s so unbelievably difficult to control. the pain that I feel, well, it’s real. if I try to describe it, it comes out sounding incredibly dramatic, but how could it not be, considering that my brain has basically decided this is The Worst Thing Ever and my body is following along obediently because that’s how autonomic responses work. 

what’s incredibly frustrating is having to explain it to people who don’t understand. somehow people expect it to make sense. probably because their experiences with intense emotion like this have made sense. which means I’m expected to justify how I feel when it’s not justifiable. none of this is fair, or right, or sane, or logical. it’s just shitty. I have to deal with it, why can’t they?


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